Menno's Life

i’m not gonna screw this up again. i do whatever it takes =)

Dear blog,

I need someone to take care of me. I’m fucked up and lost. Through the day I’m happy, but when I think about future/school & stuff, it knocks me down.
I’m 18, I dont know what I have to do with my life. Save me before it’s to late.

Me

PS: not another jesusfreak. They screwed up my whole life.

broken inside.
broken for life.
the broken heart,
disappears.

the heartless.
frozen, cold, hard.
fighting.
every day.

smash, run, kick.
scream, dance, quick.
hear, look, feel,
nothing. unreal.

Finally

No, I don’t have a boyfriend.
but it’s clear I’m gay
No, I don’t have good results at school
but I’m sure I can & wanna do this
No, not everybody loves me
but I got a couple of people so close to me.

so close, they’re the best I ever had.
They helped me a lot to find back the joy in my life.
to be with them in the weekends, with them at gigs.
And I’m so damn sure I will never lose them.
these people are like ‘we’ll stay friends till death’ youknow

now I’m waiting for a boyfriend haha.
cause I feel that part of my life story is coming soon.
We’ll see =)

Love

Getting weaker and weaker.
not believing friends anymore.
so much pressure.
never had that one person in my life,
that would love you forever, no matter what.

I’m missing that persons on evenings like this.
feeling alone, staring at my screen.
hoping that someone would start talk to me,
knowing it won’t happen.
hoping at least one person would call, text
knowing it won’t happen…

How many conversations did I started.
How many messages have I send.
How many times have I called,
Even when I was almost out of money.
Why could someone just not love me back.

Why could,, am I that bad?

It’s all I’m doing right now. Making the best of it. If I have to be totally honest; I feel so fuckedup alone. Everybody around me says they’re so sorry and they hope I find my guy real soon. But I don’t believe it anymore. I’ll find him when I’m 25 or something. I can’t wait that long. So maybe I’m gonna try again with a girl, and see what life brings.

The good thing is I found some real good friends not far away. So I’m spendig my weekend with them now. It’s way better than being locked up in your room watching movies all day long. And I could speak with them whenever I want. It’s a good thing. I never ever ever wanna lose these people. But it will happen again, I know it. But it’ll be the first fight I would do anything to not lose them. They’re all I got.

Oh, and I’m really curious about next weekend. My parents are coming home from vacation. And then, as you know, they’ll kick me out of the house. And I think they won’t pay school for me anymore. I don’t know what’s gonna happen.. And yea, I think alot about it. To much.

So that’s life for me. Think about it when you see my smiling face. Just give me a hug oke?

And I loved it. It’s way different. If I kiss a girl it’s like; what’s the best way to get asap to ‘third base’. If I kiss a guy it’s like; keep kissing, I love you.

I loved it

Still waiting for that one guy who’s gonna change my life.

Because I’m not the evil in here.
I’m not that ‘bad kid’ who has almost killed his parents.
I’m not,, that fake person I’ve been.
I am the kid, who doesn’t give a fck about anything.

Cry out loud biatch.